This Really Good Provolone Cheese Is Actually Soap

by Ruth Secular '21, April 17, 2019

I was surprised recently to learn that the yummy provolone I make my classic lasagna with is actually soap. I have been making this lasagna for over forty years and no one has ever complained. They are always like:


“I like lasagna, give me more!”


“I want to eat all of this lasagna!”


Never once did someone say something like:

“I think this lasagna has soap in it”




“Why is it so bubbly!”


Even if they did I would have just blamed it on the cilantro? Because I may be stupid, but I’m not stupid enough to put soap in my classic lasagna you know?


Except that I am apparently. Because every week I go to that store Ulta and I go to the cheese aisle (which isn’t real I guess, it's actually a soap aisle I’m realizing), and I buy my provolone and I make the lasagna and my friends they eat it.


So now, I go to a grocery store where they sell real cheese and I put the real cheese in the lasagna and it tastes not good. My friends are like, “Feh, why does it taste so bad now!” and I tells them that I was putting soap in the lasagna for the last forty years and this is actually real cheese. They are heartbroken and so am I. Why is cheese so bad if soap is so good? Anyway, I can no longer make my famous lasagna and I no longer eat any soap or cheese. Just avocados.  

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