My Reaction to the Game of Thrones Finale Even Though I Don't Watch The Show

by Devin Ruskin '20, May 22, 2019


Let me tell you, the season finale of Game of Thrones was insane. From what my mom told me, stuff happened that fans did not expect or want. Not that I’d know, I’ve never watched that show. Too much sex. Not my forte.


So my mom told me that Bran is the king now of whatever the land is called, so I guess we can say he won the game. But isn’t it crazy that a child is the king now? I wouldn’t let my kid be a king. I mean, I don’t have any kids. But children? Gross. Oh, and he fell out of a tower apparently. Therefore, he clearly shouldn’t be king cuz he has shit luck.


Okay, and what’s with dragon bitch? My mom said she was really cool at first and then she decided to fuck her brother/cousin/family member whatever. I would NEVER fuck my sibling. I mean, I don’t have any siblings. But siblings? Gross. Unless my brother had a lot of chest hair…


Also, her brother’s name is Jon Snow. What’s next? A character named Joe Rain? That’s crazy. And why do these people speak like that? Like, spit it out. Talk in ENGLISH please. Oh, and while we’re at it, why do they all wear so many fucking layers? Like I get it, it’s cold out, but you don’t need to wear a dead animal for cover. That’s disgusting and animal cruelty.


My mom said this one guy only says one word the whole show and like, that’s pretty baller. Mad respect. Now, I gotta get this off my chest. Why didn’t someone just buy everyone a stupid throne to end the whole war? It’s a win, win, win, win. Everyone gets their own throne, they sit on it, and no one dies. You get a throne. You get a throne. I’m being Oprah if you can’t tell.


And the white walkers? That’s really offensive. To all dead people. You can’t make fun of dead culture. That’s just #toosoon.


So, to sum up my opinion of the finale, it was fine. Things happened. People fucked. People died. Now I’m gonna go back to watching Diners, Drive In’s and Dives.

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