Writing Packet for Blue Collar Comedy Boys

To whom it may concern,

My name is Harvey Kelley and I am interested in the writing staff position for the Blue Collar Comedy Boys. Below I have attached a list of jokes in each member’s comedic voice to demonstrate that I would be an effective member of the Blue Collar team.


Larry the Cable Guy

1. You ever been makin love to a real fat lady and wonder if you’re in her hooha or her belly button? God damn lord Jesus I’m sorry for that one.


2. One time my grandpa farted so hard it made him stand up out of his wheelchair for the first time in fifteen years.


3. Now I hate Latinos but let me tell ya I sure do love me an enchilada.


Bill Engvall

1. One time I put my pecker in a glory hole and the fella on the other side said, “you lookin for a blowjob?”... Nope. Just wanted to say hi and figured this would be the best way to do it… here’s your sign.

2. I went fishing this one time and I’ll tell you what.

3. It’s never good when a woman says, “we need to talk”. One time my wife came up to me and said, “Bill we need to talk” and you know what I said? I said fuck you, woman.


Ron White

Unfortunately Ron White passed away from alcoholism while I was writing this packet. My thoughts and prayers go out to him and his family.

Jeff Foxworthy

1. If you’ve ever been high on crystal meth at the family barbecue and punched your mother in the back of the head cause she was hoggin all the chicken skin, you might be a redneck.


2. If you’ve ever done 90 in a 35 in a beater pickup just to get your unconscious mother to the hospital before she bleeds out because she hit her head on the corner of a picnic table after you socked her one at the family barbecue for hoggin all the chicken skin, you might be a redneck.


3. If you’ve ever shed a tear for your mother as you watched the life leave her eyes while you’re stuck in the waiting room of a hospital because the guy you hit with your beater pickup in the parking lot got to see a doctor before you because he was “mortally wounded” and you were “high on meth” and “asked to leave”, so now you’ve got no mother, no pickup, and no chicken skins… you might be a redneck.



Thank you for your consideration,

Harvey


P.S.

In a separate document I have attached a list of desk bits for Jeff Foxworthy’s late-night show, Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.

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