Updated: Oct 6, 2019
You fool. You goddamn neanderthal. You fucking troglodyte. You really believed any of James Krasinski’s classic Office goofs are even comparable to the brilliantly-constructed machinations of the trickster prodigy that is myself? Each and every one of the top 10, née, the top 113 Jim and Dwight pranks never appeared on any screen except the one in my advanced mind. Weep with appreciation that I’ve elected to share these jeers with lesser-thans such as yourself.
1. When Jim disintegrates Dwight’s eardrums by playing the Office theme song from his iPhone at 2,500 decibels
• My superior intellect is able to manufacture pranks that the corporate shills at CBS would never dare to show you. This one establishes the world of The Office inside of itself, a twist so amazing it would make Christopher Nolan piss Michael Bay’s pants.
2. When Jim kicks Dwight so hard in the butt that it tears a hole through spacetime and Rainn Wilson’s anus
• This scene would get more views than if the Olympics and the Moon landing had a baby and it started having lewd babysitter fantasies about the Seinfeld finale.
3. When Jim hides a Portugese man o’ war in the Keurig and gives Dwight a debilitating fear of coffee that he’ll carry with him forever
• Now we’re going the psychological angle. No security, no caffeine, and no respite from damnation. Life becomes a nightmare from which he cannot wake, and a screening of Son of the Mask from which he cannot walk out.
4. When Jim signs Dwight up for a 48-month subscription to “Shitdick Weekly”
• Haha awesome.
5. When Jim just finally sacks up and kills Dwight
• He just fucking gets a gun and kills him. No more on-and-off, Jim-and-Pam, will-they-won’t-they bullshit. This happens in the pilot.
6. When Jim baits Dwight into glancing over at him at the urinal and his dick is like, way bigger
• Too gut-wrenching to even describe.
7. When Jim says the activation phrase and commands Dwight to kill Michael against his own volition
• And Dwight lives out the rest of his days running from both the KGB and his own moral demons questioning whether or not he secretly wanted to do it.
8. When Jim tricks Dwight into thinking he is asian
• This one they actually got me. But only because this joke was written by someone with a beautiful mind (like the movie) much like myself. You probably didn’t get it.
9. When Jim tricks Dwight into thinking he is Puerto Rican
• But once again, the writers fall short of the true genius-level comedy only a man of my cerebral stature can manufacture. Better luck next time, plebeians.
10. When Jim never gets the chance to tell Dwight how much he meant to him
• And now it’s too late. And Dwight is gone and he’ll never never know.
11. When Jim makes Dwight spell icup
• Then he says “pretty colors” what a fucking nerd