• devinruskin

Hooray! I Lost Ten Pounds From Crying During Marriage Story

There are many ways to lose a lot of weight. I’ve tried Keto, Paleo, even the Grapefruit Diet, but none of them helped me lose weight as rapidly as the new Noah Baumbach movie Marriage Story.


I cried upwards of five buckets full of tears. After the first half of the film I decided to weigh myself. 135 pounds? Holy shit. Who would’ve thought that you could eat what you want and just lay on the couch and lose ten pounds like that?


My suggestion to fellow dieters is to put on the new Netflix hit film and watch the first scene. At least two pounds of tears will be shed from the heartbreaking score by Randy Newman. The opening montage where Nicole and Charlie reminisce on what they love about each other will definitely cause at least a two pound drop of weight. After hyperventilating and your eyes filling up with too many tears to appreciate Robby Ryan’s understated cinematography, you will feel a sense of relief when you look at your double chin fading away.


And the fight scene is a definite HIIT training for your soul. A surefire negative three pounder. Your heart rate will be through the roof and you’ll definitely be in your OrangeTheory red zone. Really burning a lot of unnecessary calories.


When Charlie sings Being Alive and the camera slowly pushes in, revealing that he comes to a conclusion that the turbulence he’s experienced in his relationship is a simple reminder of his existence, you too realize your existence and how you just dropped ten pounds in two hours.


My advice for further weight loss is to watch The Squid and The Whale and you’ll drop an extra three pounds.


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