I recently had sex with a face mask on for the first time in my life. Whereas it might have been restrictive on my face, it was freeing on the rest of my body. It wasn’t one of those overly-slimy sheet masks or the ones that make you look like an animal because we’re not fucking furries. It was one of those that you have to wait to harden and I’m not talking about about his dick because that shit was soft the entire time. Just kidding, I am very proficient in getting my boyfriend’s dick to be hard, no further questions. Anyway, I took a shower and had my hair in a saucy little towel when I applied my charcoal facemask. I was clearly looking the best I have ever looked. We had a fifteen to twenty minute window so we had more than enough time to get jiggy with it. Kissing was very difficult with the mask on. I wasn’t able to like GET IN THERE with my mouth because my lips were like the butthole of a person who is on all fours saying “let’s do anal!” -they’re saying they're ready but their butthole is saying otherwise. It was very tight okay. My face was feeling FIRM ladies. So instead of having a very steamy pre-sex makeout sesh, it was more chicken pecking mixed with very compressed laughing because this was ridiculous.
As you know, when you’re really going at it, you make some noises because you’re having a good time and things are cool, fun, funky, and fresh. I was not able to make said cool, fun, funky, and fresh noises, and instead it was more like a ghostly T-Pain in "Buy U a Drank". I wasn’t feeling like such a sexy fancy lady with a face mask on, but my boyfriend who is a skincare queen was pretty into it. It was like those porn videos where they go for a massage but get a little more than what they bargained for. Honestly I don’t think I would be into something like that. I don’t know the masseuse and now I have to tip more than I originally planned. Money is tight right now. I just can’t get into that. It just works better in the porn because it’s more slippery, smooth, and ~sensual~ whereas my experience was more rusty, restrictive, and Rhonda Rousey (idk I don’t have another r word for u, but interpret that last one as you wish.)
All I have to say is I think everyone should have sex with a face mask on. You’re killing so many birds with one stone. It’s basically bird genocide
but like it’s fine, especially if it’s seagulls. Fuck seagulls, dude, but only with a face mask on. You can mask solo and rub one out 4 the ladies. Double points if both you and your partner have them on, or if you’re more of a group sex person, that’s also chill, make sure everyone involved is rejuvenating (that’s another r word!) and do your thing while doing ya thing.