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6 Things to Know About 'Zombieland: Double Tap' By: Roger Ebert

As a highly esteemed movie critic, I am the Roger Ebert, I have quite the opinion on Zombieland: Double Tap. One, this is my most favorite movie ever. Me, Roger Ebert, the highly acclaimed movie critic, admits that Zombieland: Double Tap is my favorite movie ever. Two, this movie is so so so funny. And I’m Roger Ebert. I went twice and couldn’t keep my Coke and popcorn down.


1. THIS IS RATED R: This movie is rated R for zombies, bad words, and funny sex stuff. As a movie critic I don’t really have time to sex with people, so watching Jesse Eisenberg have sex with Emma Stone and the blonde girl was so exciting. They also said a lot of bad words. “Fuck, Shit, Screw, Dipshit” these were just a few of my favorite words they used. And how could I forget? The zombies! Those silly zombies just really wanted to eat people’s brains, which is incredibly funny. Because you know the zombies are dead.


2. ABIGAIL BRESLIN: This girl grew up so much. I can remember her when she was just a little girl debuting in that hit movie, Rango. Now she has long hair and is around 5 foot 4. Her character’s name is Little Rock, which I found extra hilarious because rocks do come in all sizes. Little, medium, large, even extra large. But they gave her the name Little Rock because she was the youngest in the group.


3. SURVIVAL TIPS: I learned a lot about surviving a zombie apocalypse. It’s all about making friends and having a good time along the way. Jesse Eisenberg tell us tips on how to survive and you bet I wrote them all down in my movie critic notebook. The most important is cardio. I don’t do a lot of running, but I sure do a lot of running my mouth. Ha ha. I’m working on my humor recently because this movie inspired me. It truly is one of my favorite Roger Ebert movies.


4. A DECADE LATER: This movie was about the crew surviving for another ten years after the apocalypse started. I don’t know what I would have done for ten years, but they all seemed to have a really fun time together. I want to find friends like that. They all lived in the white house for ten years, which would’ve been really fun. If only they invited me. I would love to watch movies with a group like that. Don’t tell Jesse this, but I would definitely steal Emma from him. She’s really cute.


5. MUSIC REFERENCES: There was a new character added to the group who played the guitar and smoked a lot of weed. He sang some Beatles songs and David Gray songs. I really enjoy that type of music. I don’t only enjoy movies, you guys. This was the more Meta part of the movie, where characters would sing songs we, the audience, know. If you ask me, that’s genius!


6. GUNS, GUNS, GUNS: There are so many guns in this movie. I couldn’t even keep track. I also tried to keep track of the zombies but I’m not a counting enthusiast, I’m a movie enthusiast, so it was very hard for me. But I am Roger Ebert and I have a great life therefore I have nothing to worry about ever.


Overall, a great movie that I recommend to everyone. I give it 10 tomatoes. Some may say I even double tap it. Ha ha. Because I like it. You get it.

Love,

Roger Ebert


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