Man Bravely Admits He's a Feminist for Watching Girl on Girl Porn
by Devin Ruskin '20, July 17, 2019
Wellington, FL – Meet Tyler Bernard, a recent graduate of FSU and brother of Alpha Tau Omega. He majored in Business with a minor in Gender and Sexuality. When asked if he views himself as a feminist he immediately replied, “Fuck yeah. I’m like a girl’s bra…I support them. And I wanna touch those titties all day long!” He attempted to “slap me five” but I declined.
Decked out in Vineyard Vines and “rocking” a pair of Sperry’s boating shoes, Tyler mentioned his excitement for his weekend plans. “This weekend is poppin'. We got a Stoplight Party with Gamma Phi Friday, obviously I’m green, a darty with Alpha Omega Saturday, we’re gonna get schwasted, and then Lazy Sunday, baby.”
When asked about his favorite Gender Studies course he replied, “Yeah, I took Transnational Feminism and shit like Contemporary Feminist whatever, but what really made me a feminist were the hands-on experiments, if you catch my drift.” I shook my head. “I’m talking girl on girl porn. The real feminist shit. I support them so much. They’re true Americans for doing what they do every day. ” I guess we know what he’ll be doing on his “Lazy Sunday.”
Before ending the interview, Tyler had one last thing to say. “I just want to give a shout-out to Professor Washburn for proving to me that I’m not a weak ass bitch for supporting women. Men can be feminists too! Porn rules!” When questioned about equal pay for women he speed-walked away without looking back.